Victorea_Ryan_Meadow (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elise_rasha) wrote2018-12-10 11:40 am
elise_rasha) wrote2018-12-10 11:40 am
A Poor Woman's (Brief Moments of) Envy
The full title of this entry is A Poor Woman's (Brief Moments of) Envy Of a Former, Wannabe, Middle-Class Writer
I'm aiming for a bit harsh here, but, for as harsh as I might seem on this other person, I'm more harsh on myself. Mainly because I believed in her and her abilities far more than I had myself. Some of it still creeps in.
One of the biggest influences for how I've gone about things probably shouldn't be considered one of my biggest influences, or, at least, I shouldn't consider her to be a good influence.
Or maybe I should. I'm rather on the fence about this.
Part of my writing journey has been a little bit of observation, a whole lot of writing (and hair-pulling), and actually publishing my works through various platforms like Amazon, Barnes and Noble NOOK, and Draft2Digital with an eventual hook-up with Luu. (CreateSpace's customer service was something to be desired towards the end, which is why I'm speculating that Kindle is absorbing that.) Part of the observation was mainly through someone I admired who also embarked on this writing journey then found out it was a lot tougher and rougher than she could have thought possible. The critique group she discovered left her battered and bruised, actually felt almost outright hostile to me when I gave them a chance over encouraging. I mean, I had someone follow me directly to my blog from that critique group and tell me if I wanted to be a published author, I would go back and take the advice there that was given to me, as if this site was the absolute only way to become a published author. As if there is only one single path in order to become published and successful. That type of attitude is something, I'm sure, Chuck Wendig, Stephen King, J.K. Rowling, and a few hundred other successful authors would disagree with if anyone tried to tell them as much. Persistence is the only common ingredient here.
Anyhoo, back to my observations of this wannabe writer and why I kind of envy her right this moment as well as why I'm trying to shed myself of that envy.
You see, back in the start of her journey, her husband took on a job that allowed him to pay their bills. He actually encouraged her to take the time off to focus on novel writing, if I recall her entries on the matter correctly. (She also had an amazing support system in him and the various friends she had through Livejournal, myself included.) Up until I actually self-published Portal to Gaming over four years ago, I had no such support system. In fact, before I took Portal to Gaming directly to Kindle, my support system was a handful of co-workers and a friend who stopped speaking to me earlier this year, and then I was painfully unemployed for the longest stretch of my life ever. Even now, I don't have anyone who is, "Hey, take the time to get some books written. I'll take care of all the bills" because that's not how it works for poor people. When money is tight or not even there at times, everyone in the household can feel that pinch. I have to carve that time out of my day because my 24 hours are filled differently than someone who earns even $$40k a year over my $$17k a year. (In fact, I'm quite disgruntled that I was more productive as a writer and able to publish more when I was unemployed than I am at near full-time employment.)
I had someone once tell me he wished he could do that for me. Given where I was at in that point of my life and where I'm at now, I'm not sure that would have been the best thing for me. My confidence in myself skyrocketed because I landed a serving job and gained me a chance to be more socially interactive with people. I also now have a car that can only be taken from me by Ford should I stop making my car payments. And, while I'm envious that this person had someone who did that for her, I also learned the difference between being a poor person (me) and being a middle-class person (her).
In order to be a success, in order to create change in my life, persistence is key. In fact, that's the one ingredient that's true of any given path we take in this life. PERSISTENCE.
I'm harsh on this woman because it's normal for her to just give up and chase the next shiny thing that comes along. She has the means to do it. I'm harsh on her because she lacked the strength and conviction to actually see what she could have accomplished.
And I'm doubly harsh on myself for believing in her more than myself. I'm doubly harsh on myself for using her as one of the only actual sources for how things can be, and I'm super doubly harsh on myself for listening to those who haven't immersed themselves into this world the way that I have. (I have received some harsh criticism for wanting to get vendor space at conventions to promote my books from someone who isn't a writer, who has only seen half of how things have changed for authors, and still saw fit to give me advice based on either limited information from others or no actual information from the writing/publishing world at all. If she had it, she never exactly said.)
It's been a bit of a slow-going here, but I'm remembering just how brave and tenacious I used to be. I'm still learning, my friends, and, through all of this, I'm proud of myself for what I've accomplished these last four years. The woman who I used to admire can probably the same thing for what she's learned, but I'm taking my lessons to higher places. I love holding my books in my hands. I love talking about epic adventures, Norse gods, and dragons. I recently had a friend gift me a pie he made. Blueberry Lemon Meringue pie. He thought, because it was a non-traditional pie for the holidays, he would give it to me because I'm such a non-traditional person (and yet I love me some pumpkin pie, lol). In looking at my decisions in life, he's quite right. I'm quite the non-traditional person, and I love it.
I'm Victorea Ryan Meadow, and I approve of myself, my works, and this message.
I'm aiming for a bit harsh here, but, for as harsh as I might seem on this other person, I'm more harsh on myself. Mainly because I believed in her and her abilities far more than I had myself. Some of it still creeps in.
One of the biggest influences for how I've gone about things probably shouldn't be considered one of my biggest influences, or, at least, I shouldn't consider her to be a good influence.
Or maybe I should. I'm rather on the fence about this.
Part of my writing journey has been a little bit of observation, a whole lot of writing (and hair-pulling), and actually publishing my works through various platforms like Amazon, Barnes and Noble NOOK, and Draft2Digital with an eventual hook-up with Luu. (CreateSpace's customer service was something to be desired towards the end, which is why I'm speculating that Kindle is absorbing that.) Part of the observation was mainly through someone I admired who also embarked on this writing journey then found out it was a lot tougher and rougher than she could have thought possible. The critique group she discovered left her battered and bruised, actually felt almost outright hostile to me when I gave them a chance over encouraging. I mean, I had someone follow me directly to my blog from that critique group and tell me if I wanted to be a published author, I would go back and take the advice there that was given to me, as if this site was the absolute only way to become a published author. As if there is only one single path in order to become published and successful. That type of attitude is something, I'm sure, Chuck Wendig, Stephen King, J.K. Rowling, and a few hundred other successful authors would disagree with if anyone tried to tell them as much. Persistence is the only common ingredient here.
Anyhoo, back to my observations of this wannabe writer and why I kind of envy her right this moment as well as why I'm trying to shed myself of that envy.
You see, back in the start of her journey, her husband took on a job that allowed him to pay their bills. He actually encouraged her to take the time off to focus on novel writing, if I recall her entries on the matter correctly. (She also had an amazing support system in him and the various friends she had through Livejournal, myself included.) Up until I actually self-published Portal to Gaming over four years ago, I had no such support system. In fact, before I took Portal to Gaming directly to Kindle, my support system was a handful of co-workers and a friend who stopped speaking to me earlier this year, and then I was painfully unemployed for the longest stretch of my life ever. Even now, I don't have anyone who is, "Hey, take the time to get some books written. I'll take care of all the bills" because that's not how it works for poor people. When money is tight or not even there at times, everyone in the household can feel that pinch. I have to carve that time out of my day because my 24 hours are filled differently than someone who earns even $$40k a year over my $$17k a year. (In fact, I'm quite disgruntled that I was more productive as a writer and able to publish more when I was unemployed than I am at near full-time employment.)
I had someone once tell me he wished he could do that for me. Given where I was at in that point of my life and where I'm at now, I'm not sure that would have been the best thing for me. My confidence in myself skyrocketed because I landed a serving job and gained me a chance to be more socially interactive with people. I also now have a car that can only be taken from me by Ford should I stop making my car payments. And, while I'm envious that this person had someone who did that for her, I also learned the difference between being a poor person (me) and being a middle-class person (her).
In order to be a success, in order to create change in my life, persistence is key. In fact, that's the one ingredient that's true of any given path we take in this life. PERSISTENCE.
I'm harsh on this woman because it's normal for her to just give up and chase the next shiny thing that comes along. She has the means to do it. I'm harsh on her because she lacked the strength and conviction to actually see what she could have accomplished.
And I'm doubly harsh on myself for believing in her more than myself. I'm doubly harsh on myself for using her as one of the only actual sources for how things can be, and I'm super doubly harsh on myself for listening to those who haven't immersed themselves into this world the way that I have. (I have received some harsh criticism for wanting to get vendor space at conventions to promote my books from someone who isn't a writer, who has only seen half of how things have changed for authors, and still saw fit to give me advice based on either limited information from others or no actual information from the writing/publishing world at all. If she had it, she never exactly said.)
It's been a bit of a slow-going here, but I'm remembering just how brave and tenacious I used to be. I'm still learning, my friends, and, through all of this, I'm proud of myself for what I've accomplished these last four years. The woman who I used to admire can probably the same thing for what she's learned, but I'm taking my lessons to higher places. I love holding my books in my hands. I love talking about epic adventures, Norse gods, and dragons. I recently had a friend gift me a pie he made. Blueberry Lemon Meringue pie. He thought, because it was a non-traditional pie for the holidays, he would give it to me because I'm such a non-traditional person (and yet I love me some pumpkin pie, lol). In looking at my decisions in life, he's quite right. I'm quite the non-traditional person, and I love it.
I'm Victorea Ryan Meadow, and I approve of myself, my works, and this message.