There come points in our lives when we stop and pause and think about all of the things we wished we'd have accomplished at much younger ages. I remember back in 2010 and again in either 2011 or 2012, around this time of year having major freak outs about my life. There I was, closing in on my mid-thirties, working in a setting that I actually despised but was there because I needed work, and it was just hitting me really super hard that I had not done some of the things that I truly wanted to do by that point.
Now, from 2001 to 2004, I did a lot of traveling. I took a lot of risks that people back then (and even now) were warned to not do. Like going to meet a friend you'd met on the internet. After all, that person might not be who he or she is saying they are, and there have been plenty of instances over the years, since the internet became so widespread, where such things have become true.
I've been very blessed that every online friend I've met has been exactly who he and she has claimed to be in our encounters. It's been a lot of fun, a wild ride, and one I wouldn't give up for anything.
Still, by the time I'd hit my mid-thirties as my birthday crept up on me, I'd realized I'd not done everything I'd wanted. I was putzing along on a novel and daydreaming about being published. I'd wanted to be married and having kids. I was having my mental freak outs and researching into artificial insemination, that's how badly I wanted to have kids. (I still want to have kids. How this will happen will remain to be seen.)
Because of these freak outs, I did start to look into the ways I could get done what I wanted for my life. Researched into publishing houses (never thought of getting an agent) as well as sperm banks. I even joined eHarmony to try and find a suitable partner so I could speed up a few of the processes.
It's been seven years since that first mental freak out. I'm still single. I still have yet to have any children, but I am published. It's still frustrating because I'm trying to do what gets suggested to me in terms of promoting or even in gaining secondary employment (funds are on the dry side because all of my money is currently tied up in going towards the tax, title, and registration of my new car because that's separate for the most part here in Oklahoma, which is actually quite stupid because one has thirty days from when the notary was signed to come up with X amount of dollars to pay for everything. Even those with a steady income, earning less than $15 an hour, would be forced to choose between paying everything on time for tax, title, and registration or food, rent, etc . . .) and everything is kind of falling flat, but I'm not about to give up on this. I love what I'm doing as an author, and I'm reconsidering what it is I need to do in order to be a success. This is mainly because what others have suggested either conflicts with each other or just is flat out not working for me period. I'm still going to be talking about Ravensrealm, as that's coming out soon, and all of my publications. I just want to take a different approach.
Because I want to take this different approach, I realize I've got to go back to school. I definitely want to major in business. The desire to do non-profit work is very strong within me, and I'm starting to look into volunteer opportunities here in Tulsa. (There's a volunteer program to help kids learn how to read that's got my interest.)
The other thing I want to go back to school for is, well, fine arts. Specifically more writing courses, a few drawing classes, and the performing arts. I stepped into a Sephora store last week. It wasn't my first time in one, but, because I want to cosplay Fayt Leingod from Star Ocean in both his original costume and in costume variants, I wanted a makeup/skin consultation. I'd been into Hot Topic a few moments before, looking at hair dye, so following up with Sephora, strangely enough, had a very huge impact on me. I do love theatre, and I have ascribed to the notion that all the world is a stage. I did audition for parts in school plays in high school. Never the lead part - I found other parts more interesting - so it just makes sense that I want to resume that aspect of my life.
I'm already looking into schools that can help me with these degrees. Where I will go will be announced upon making a final decision, applying, and receiving confirmation that I've been accepted into the programs of my choice.
I'm making some major changes for my life because reaching 40 years of age is a major milestone for anyone. I'm actually not freaking out about hitting 40 as I did 33 and even 34 and 35. Everything about my life, while frustrating at times, feels right. It's still not going to be an easy journey, but it's mine. And I love it.